Not Number One

I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine;
(Song of Songs 6:3 – ESV)

One of the big problems with martial relationships is the idea of having to make sure our spouse stays number one in our lives. Why is that a problem, you say? Shouldn’t we be concerned about letting our affections slip? Well yes we should, but the problem is with that perspective in itself, the perspective that says we are to keep them number one. It is not the problem of keeping our spouse number one, but assigning a number at all. There shouldn’t be any other “numbers”. They are not number one; they are the only one. We shouldn’t be giving any of our affections to anyone else but our spouse. You know what type affections I mean. Romantic, emotional, relational, do I have to list them all?

It isn’t about putting them first; it is about them alone, setting them apart in that no one else can receive the precious things that are meant only for them. The problem is that we don’t see these things as precious, but they are an integral part of a marriage relationship. In truth, beyond the physical companionship and sexual intimacy we long for in a marriage, these are why we get together in the first place, because we want someone to share our life with, our dreams and our struggles. These things will help with intimacy. These things don’t belong to anyone but our spouse, and if you are giving them away, you are stealing them from the marriage. It is not within your rights to do so.

Not number one, but the only one.

The only one you share your dreams with.
The only one you share your struggles with.
The only one you share your life with.

Your relationship with your spouse reflects your relationship with God. Think about that. Your spouse shouldn’t be number one. They shouldn’t have first place. They should have the only place. You know what I mean, don’t you? Are you cheating in your heart? Be honest. Search carefully. Better yet, let the Lord do it (Psalm 19:12-14, 139:23-24).