Form Fitting?

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.
(Colossians 3:18 – ESV)

The family unit has roles that were designed by God. If we don’t submit to God’s design, we don’t submit to God, and the devil will not be resisted (James 4:7). It’s not about ability it’s about authority. That authority is established upon the priority of God in our lives. It isn’t about talent it’s about team. It isn’t about intelligence it’s about order. If everyone is out of order, all your energy goes to getting everyone in line first, and the leader cannot even see if the decisions are right, he is just trying to get things in order first. Conversely, when everyone is in line and things go wrong, then he can see what needs to be changed.

Submission is not about inferiority, or about always keeping our mouth shut. It is about glorifying God. This submission is to the husband, not all men in general. We need to recognize that submission recognizes levels of authority; so that a wife renders submission to her husband in ways that she will not do for any other. God does not command that men have exclusive authority in the areas of politics, business, education, and so on. 1 Peter 3:1-9 could be subtitled “the mission of submission”.

As is fitting in the Lord: how we may look at this phrase gives us an idea of how people view submission in false ways. We see this as either, “yeah that’s right woman, God wants you to submit”, or we see it as, “yeah man, God says we submit only when you are fit”. The first view: as if we are as fit as the Lord, as would befit submitting to the Lord. The second view: only if we are as fit as the Lord, we teach them the standard of the Lord’s fitness by withholding submission until they get it right.

This may seem ridiculous when we look at it in detail, but these two views are indeed what Christian people think oftentimes. The first view is trying to extend the concept of submission, while the second is trying to limit it. However, what Paul is actually telling us with this phrase “as is fitting in the Lord” is that God has designed a role for men and women. When a wife doesn’t submit to her husband she is failing as a disciple of Jesus Christ, not just as a wife. Submission is about honoring Christ, not a husband’s talent, intellect, or decision-making skills.

In the first place, women should be very careful about who they choose as a husband. Instead of looking for an attractive, wealthy, or romantic man as first priority, you should be looking for a godly man as first priority. He should have learned to love Jesus before he learned to love you. If he is a truly godly man, he will be one who is worth submitting to.

Women are required to submit to their husbands, not just in spiritual things, but entirely. That doesn’t mean the man is to rule as a tyrant, or that she has no say. No, it is more like the husband has the final say in contested matters. Husbands and wives should listen to each other and be a team. Think of it like this, the legislative branch works together to craft laws, but the President has veto power. He doesn’t use it often, but sometimes he must. The man and the woman should be consulting one another on most everything, but in case of a tie, the man bears the responsibility and accountability for the final decision. This frees the woman; it doesn’t constrain her like a shackle.

A woman is not required to submit if her husband asks her to sin. Now this is not simply your definition of it, but a clear biblical case, if it violates the woman’s conscience she should speak up while still submitting, “I’m not so sure this is right, and I want to make sure I say that to you, but I will abide by your decision”. Of course a woman is not required to submit to one who is insane, or when they are being violently abusive, or when they are drunk or drugged up (not just because they got drunk one time, but when they are drunk and would be making an irrational decision, like, “give me the keys”). A woman is not to submit to her husband being in an adulterous relationship.

One can still be in submission to one’s authority without always blindly obeying every command. In other words, one can submissively disobey. Daniel and his friends demonstrate submissive disobedience for us. They would not submit to idolatry, but would submit for the penalty of disobeying the king. Daniel submitted to the authorities over him in Babylon, while at the same time he maintained his submission to God.

Abigail in 1 Samuel 25 faced a difficult situation. She was obliged to submit to God, to her husband, and to David, who had already been indicated as Israel’s future king. Both David and her husband were acting foolishly, and yet she wisely demonstrated submission to both. She spared her husband’s life in spite of his foolishness, and she spared David from acting in a way that would be detrimental to his reign as Israel’s king. In both cases, she turned both men from their intended course of action in a way that did not violate the principle of submission to either of them or to God.

You might say, “Well what about this, or what about that?” If we are submitted then we won’t have to cover every scenario. Just to be looking for instances where you don’t have to be submissive means you are looking for a way out of being submitted. In general, if we are like that we don’t really trust God. If we really do not want to obey but only comply to the degree that we must, we are not submissive. In such a case, lots of rules must be set down to cover every conceivable situation. However, if we are submissive, then you only need a few guiding principles.

Submission is a fundamental ingredient of the believer’s spiritual life. True submission is undermined by Christians who practice stereotypical submission, a submission defined by very precise rules and practices rather than a matter of the heart. To do that is to resist God, having the form of godliness, but denying the power in your life. Instead of trying to fit your submission into the form of your personality, rather let grace abound unto you by submitting to the fitting of yourself into the form of Christ.