Holding Forgiveness Hostage

Have you ever “fallen out” with someone? There is some sort of extended relational trouble. There was close friendship. Now there is cold formality. Something has happened, and now both sides are distant. Maybe there hasn’t been what people call ghosting. There is still some level of involvement. But it isn’t like it used to be. Maybe there hasn’t been what people call gaslighting. We haven’t tried to convince the other person that they are the villain. But it isn’t like it used to be. And maybe the reason is that our hearts are holding forgiveness hostage.

There is probably blame on both sides. But both sides are probably entrenched in a stubborn standoff. There hasn’t been any sort of actual attempt at biblical forgiveness. There hasn’t been any real Mark 11:25 in our hearts, and so there hasn’t been any real Luke 17:3 in our practice.

Now we may think or convince ourselves that we are willing to forgive. But we are only willing to forgive if it happens on our terms. This isn’t a real willingness. This is holding forgiveness hostage until our ransom demands are met. It feels like this…

I feel like you started it. So, I won’t come to confess and ask you for forgiveness until you come to confess and ask me for forgiveness first.

I feel like your part is the bigger part. So, I don’t want to admit my part in the wrong until I feel like you have admitted your part in the wrong.

I feel like you don’t see your part in this. So, I’m not going to come to you and ask for forgiveness when I know that you won’t reciprocate.

I could go on, but you get the idea. This is sinful stubbornness. I need to feel vindicated. But I am actually being vindictive. You are holding forgiveness hostage to your feelings. And it is hurting you. Because holding forgiveness hostage is holding your healing hostage.  

“Living For Today With An Eye For Tomorrow”©